Maybes..

*Warning: There are trop de maybes in this post.*

Bismillah..
I’m feeling quite down today. Its not because of the SBP results (liar!!). Okay. Okay. Maybe it has something to do with the results. But it upsets me more when I actually have to lie to myself or worse, my family about how I feel. I really hate it when I have to deny my feelings and pretend to be normal.

People : How was your SBP? Did you get any of the schools?
Me :
Nah..*pretending to be busy*
People : Are you okay?
Me : Yeah, I’m cool
with it. It doesn’t really matters anyway. (AS IF!!)

Well, that is one of the cliché dialogue I always use. But then they will start their don’t worries and maybes. Maybe they will be taking you in for the second intakes, third intakes, maybe you will be taken for MRSM, yadayadayada.. Okay! I’ve got the message. I know you people just don’t want to make me feel upset about it. But the more you try to cheer me up, the worse I feel! So just give this girl some time for herself.

I know, I shouldn’t have put too much hope on this matter. It’s all out of human reach. It’s all fate, or rezeki they say. But I thought that maybe this time, my chance of getting what I want will be higher. It’s all because of this stupid theory they made me to think. It was when I was entering secondary school. And I didn’t get neither SBP nor MRSM, too. I was frustrated like mad. So, they forced me to think of a theory that may be the cause of this failure. These used to be the theories. Maybe :

♫ My name was too beautiful that they didn’t want to put them with other names. It may spoil my name.
♫ I was too active in school. They think I might rule the SBP I will be entering. And that putting me in was a bad idea.
♫ The minister’s children are jealous of me and told the minister not to place me in SBP.

I know, it is ridiculous! But DON’T blame me. I was just 12 that time. But now, perhaps I should just make up some excuses when people ask me why didn’t I enter boarding schools. Any ideas? Or maybe I could just give the same reason that akak senior gave when we ask the same question.

Ada orang yang akak sayang kat sekolah ni..

But who will be my ‘tersayang’? Amis? Duh! That is for sure. But I can still live without them being close to me. Urghh!!